5 things to do and say if your child has a big transition this year
Every back-to-school transition is different, and some are more challenging than others. Big changes like moving from preschool to kindergarten, shifting from elementary to middle school, or heading off to college can be especially challenging. With every transition comes a level of uncertainty. Although we can’t make feelings of discomfort or stress go away for our children, we can teach them how to manage and respond in healthy ways.
Use these five tips to cultivate a home that prioritizes safety, choice, and empowerment so you and your child can embrace new chapters with confidence.
Tip 1: Affirm all feelings.
When your child starts to express stress or anxiety over the transition, be sensitive to their feelings. As parents, it can be uncomfortable to hear our children feel sad, scared, frustrated, or angry. But instead of trying to erase these feelings, affirm them and remind your child that all feelings are okay.
Explore feelings further by utilizing a simple feelings wheel for young children, or printing out a more complex version for older kids. Invite your child to share which word best describes how they are feeling. Reinforce that there aren’t good or bad feelings. Even more, feeling scared or anxious about the unknown of a new chapter is totally normal!
As the big transition approaches, ask your child what support looks like to them, and whether they’d like you to listen, provide comfort through a hug or other form of physical connection, make a comfort meal, read a familiar story, or push them on a swing. Encourage older children to journal to process emotions or choose another coping skill such as mindful moments, microdoses of nature, movement breaks, or connecting with family and friends who may be experiencing similar feelings around big transitions.
Navigating and understanding emotions is a journey, and giving your child the space and language to express themselves can help them navigate the ups and downs of life in the future.
“Navigating and understanding emotions is a journey, and giving your child the space and language to express themselves can help them navigate the ups and downs of life in the future. ”
Tip 2: Explore the new environment.
Every child (and grown-up) deals with changes differently. For some of us, small changes to our environment and routine can cause big feelings of discomfort. For others, changes spark excitement and new adventures. No response is better than the other, and for those of us resistant to change, we can ease the discomfort by getting more comfortable with our surroundings.
Elementary/middle/high school - If your child is moving to a new school, or classroom, try to schedule a time to visit. Back-to-school nights occur in many schools and this is a great opportunity for your child to check out the environment in a hands-on way and ask their new teacher questions. If the back-to-school night is for parents-only, consider writing an email to your child’s teacher to ask if you can meet them at a different time. Bring a hot beverage and snacks to show your appreciation to the teacher for taking time from their busy summer to meet with you. Becoming comfortable with the environment before the first day is especially important for children with sensory considerations and neurodivergent students who may need modifications to fully participate in class.
College students - For college students, visiting weeks happen to expose teenagers to the many things the campus has to offer. Even if your child is living at home, exploring the campus can foster a sense of safety and security. When we know what to expect, our brains can stop ruminating on hypothetical scenarios. Try to participate in a few events with your child (if they are interested) and meet other families along the way!
“When our children feel overwhelmed and stressed, it’s hard not to become dysregulated right alongside them. We can stay regulated and take care of ourselves by accepting our emotions and experiences as parents.”
Tip 3: Read stories to normalize change.
Children of all ages benefit from reading stories that explore challenging situations that they are currently going through. These stories show ways that characters cope and work through their challenges which will also help your child add to their own toolbox of coping skills. Here are some suggestions that reassure kids dealing with change and normalize feelings of discomfort and anxiety.
Elementary students
Goodbye, Friend! Hello, Friend! by Cori Doerrfeld. This book demonstrates how, when one experience ends, another door is opened for a new chapter to begin. It helps kids understand that new beginnings take time, but you never know what tomorrow will bring. (4-8 year olds)
The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson. With beautiful pictures and lyrical text, this book reminds us that we all feel like outsiders sometimes – but we can find the brave inside and move forward anyway. (5-8 year olds)
Rock Star #1 by Kelly Starling Lyons. This book explores challenges like having a best friend move away, and trying to collaborate with a peer who doesn’t like your ideas for a class project. Through reading this book, children learn about persevering through challenges and finding your way. (6-8 year olds)
Middle/high school
Harbor Me by Jacqueline Woodson. Together, six kids meet for a weekly chat by-themselves, with no adults. A story about creating space for deep relationships to form and how we can form friendships that allow us to express the feelings and fears we keep inside. (10 years old and up)
To Night Owl From Dogfish by Holly Goldberg Sloan. This book explores the unlikely friendship between two twelve-year olds who are sent to sleepaway camp by their single dads who have fallen in love with each other. A story of embracing change, finding resilience through the face of adversity, and developing strong relationships despite all odds. (10 years old and up)
Does My Head Look Big In This? By Randa Abdel-Fattah. Amal decides to start wearing the hijab full-time and everyone has a reaction. But she stands by her decisions to embrace her faith. This book will resonate with teens, no matter what their beliefs. (12 years old and up)
Tell your child stories about times you overcame challenges. Choose age-appropriate stories from your own life to normalize feeling anxious about a new chapter. For example, share stories about starting a new job, moving to a new city, or navigating a friend who moved away or changed schools. Reinforce that while it took some time to get used to the change, and it was hard, you eventually found new friends, favorite places, and embraced the change. By sharing these stories, you will help your child see that challenges and risks are a normal part of life. Extend the learning by encouraging younger children to draw a picture of a time they got through something difficult (e.g., an ice cream spilled on the ground, it rained during their party, or plans changed because someone was sick) and having older children write about specific times they overcame adversity.
Tip 4: Be patient and understanding with your child and yourself.
When our children feel overwhelmed and stressed, it’s hard not to become dysregulated right alongside them. We can stay regulated and take care of ourselves by accepting our emotions and experiences as parents. Pay close attention to your self talk (e.g., “I’m a terrible parent, I can’t help my child get through this difficult time”) and notice the thought patterns that are arising. Try to reframe negative thoughts into internal affirmations of care, such as, “It’s a difficult time. But we’ve gotten through hard times before!” or “It’s okay to have big feelings. We are going through a big transition. We can do this.”
Extend the same patience and understanding to your child. Offer them words of encouragement, comfort objects and items, and let them know that it’s okay if things are hard in the beginning. Remind them that everyone needs time to get used to new situations, environments, and make new friends. Express that you are there for them and dedicate time to check-in with your child after school, before dinner, or before bed. This extra patience and care will support your child in building the resilience and confidence they need to overcome the challenge.
Tip 5: Remind your child that there are helpers everywhere.
As parents, we want to ensure that our children are safe when they aren’t in our care. But it’s equally as important to raise kids who understand who to turn to for help when challenges do arise. Explore the Relationship Mapping tool to help your child identify the adults at school who can offer support and guidance. By creating this map together, you’re empowering your child to feel confident and building their independence along the way.
How to use Relationship Mapping at home
Gather materials: You'll need paper, markers, crayons, or colored pencils.
Brainstorm school adults: Make a list of the adults your child interacts with at school, including teachers, counselors, administrators, and support staff.
Categorize for support: Discuss the type of support each adult can provide. For example, some are great for academic help, while others excel in emotional support.
Create the map: Draw a large circle for your child in the center. Add smaller circles for each adult, connecting them to the center with lines labeled by the type of support offered.
Discuss approaches: Talk about how to approach different adults for different needs. Emphasize that it's okay to seek help and that there's no shame in asking for support.
For younger children, make the map a fun and creative activity. Use pictures and simple labels to represent each adult.
For older children, focus on identifying key support figures and discussing effective communication strategies. Does their teacher or coach have office hours? Is email a better option? Even a quick discussion of these questions can help your child know what to do when challenges arise.
April Brown (M.Ed) is a Trauma Informed Specialist and Peer Support Facilitator who advocates for teachers and students through inclusive curriculum development, educator wellness coaching, and teaching university courses. Formerly, April taught and held leadership positions in mainstream and alternative settings in the United States and internationally. She’s passionate about exploring how to disrupt structures that perpetuate systems of oppression and address unbalanced power dynamics at home and school so children thrive. She lives in Vermont with her young daughters, husband, and charming rottweilers. April is currently earning her MSW in Advanced Clinical Practice at Columbia University and a curriculum intern at Making Caring Common.
