Navigating disappointing college admissions decisions: 5 tips for parents and families
In the coming days and weeks, colleges nationwide will be releasing admissions decisions for the Class of 2027. For students and parents alike, this can be an incredibly exciting time filled with celebrations of well-earned acceptances. But when challenging admissions decisions—waitlists or denials—are received, it can trigger complex emotions for everyone involved. Knowing what to say to your child, and when, can be very important.
According to the Common Application, more than one million students nationwide applied to college for Fall 2023 admission. While experts recommend applying to no more than four to eight colleges, as admissions has gotten increasingly selective, it is not out of the ordinary for some applicants to apply to upwards of 20 schools. While students may believe that by casting a wider net they are expanding their options, the irony is that by applying to more schools, admissions rates at selective institutions are plunging lower and lower each year. For example, Harvard College received a record-breaking number of first-year applications in the 2021-22 application cycle, yielding an acceptance rate of 3.19%, the lowest in the institution’s history. If you yourself went through the college application process in the past, it is important to keep this context in mind and understand that your child is navigating an entirely different terrain than you once did.
“First and foremost, let your child feel their feelings.”
Here are our recommendations for how to navigate a disappointing college decision with your child.
Manage your own emotions first. You will likely be navigating your own complex emotions in addition to your child’s disappointment. It is okay for you to feel disappointed, especially after the time and financial resources you may have put into your child’s college application process. Acknowledge those feelings as valid and take care of yourself, but try to separate your feelings of disappointment from your child’s feelings. The focus should be on your child.
Don’t try to “solve” the problem. While you may want to advocate for your child, the simple reality is that calling the admissions office that waitlisted or denied your child isn’t going to do anything. (Take it from someone who has worked in both admissions and college counseling–and was waitlisted by their top choice school many years ago.) No amount of well-intentioned parental advocacy is going to reverse an admissions decision. If your child was waitlisted, their school counselor will walk them through the process of continued demonstrated interest.
Help your child practice self-compassion. First and foremost, let your child feel their feelings. Let them cry, let them scream, let them grieve. By giving them the permission and space to be upset, you will be aiding them in processing, and ultimately accepting, this challenging piece of news.
Reframe the narrative. While it runs contrary to the culture of college admissions in the United States, there actually is no such thing as a “dream” school. Dream schools are social constructs that are a manifestation of name recognition, perceived prestige, and highly stylized public relations materials. I used to tell my students, “Every school can become your dream school once you’re there.” Let your child know that while the unknown can be scary, they won’t know if a college is going to be the right fit for them until they’re actually enrolled.
Foster excitement about the future. Don’t forget to celebrate the acceptances they have received! Getting into any college is a huge accomplishment that can and should be elevated. It’s also important that your child’s disappointment over their waitlist or denial doesn’t prevent them from choosing where they will be enrolling - most colleges need enrollment decisions made by May 1st. If possible, take your child to events for admitted students and/or college visits so they can start visualizing themself on another college campus. It may very well become their new dream!
“Don’t forget to celebrate the acceptances [that your child has] received! Getting into any college is a huge accomplishment that can and should be elevated.”
College admissions decisions can be an emotional rollercoaster for both students and parents, and it's important to handle disappointment with care. Encourage your child to celebrate their acceptances and start envisioning themselves on their chosen campus. By doing so, you can help your child transition into the next exciting chapter of their life.
Written by Lucy Kane, MCC’s College Admissions Intern
