5 questions to answer before buying your child a smartphone

Back-to-school this year comes with a milestone for my family: my 12-year-old is heading to middle school. He’ll be taking a city bus to and from his new school, which is across town from where we live. It’s a simultaneously thrilling and terrifying prospect that has raised a nagging question: Is it time for a smartphone?

It’s a big decision. A phone opens up a world of information, connection, and entertainment (and bus schedules!). But along with these endless possibilities come seemingly endless risks. Smartphone use has been linked to declines in youth mental health, interpersonal skills, poor sleep, and more. In his recent book The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt warns against the “phone-based childhood” he says has replaced the “play-based childhood” of earlier generations.

The instant popularity of Haidt’s book underscores parents’ fears about how smartphones and digital media affect kids. Organizations like Wait Until 8th advocate for delaying smartphone access until at least the end of 8th grade to allow children to have a more focused and engaged childhood, free from the distractions and potential dangers of smartphones.

But what’s a parent to do if their child might need a device before the end of 8th grade?

Below are a few questions that our family considered while weighing our options. While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to making this decision, these questions helped us think through the pros and cons of a smartphone…and helped us settle on a smartwatch instead.

“A phone opens up a world of information, connection, and entertainment (and bus schedules!). But along with these endless possibilities come seemingly endless risks.”

1. Is your child mature enough?

A smartphone isn't just for entertainment or checking in with friends; it comes with significant responsibilities. Can your child handle all that comes with a device? Think about their ability to:

Follow rules: Do they generally respect rules and understand the consequences of breaking them?
Manage time: Can they balance phone use with schoolwork, chores, and other responsibilities?
Care for possessions: Do they take care of valuable items?
Handle peer pressure: Can they resist–and stand up to–negative influences online?
Protect personal information: Do they understand the importance of keeping personal details private?

2. Do they really need it?

Is your child getting involved in extracurricular activities that require frequent communication? Are they commuting alone to and from school? Do they need a phone for safety reasons? Or do they just want one?

3. Have you set clear rules and expectations?

Open and honest communication is essential. Sit down with your child and establish clear guidelines for using their phone. Consider creating a "phone contract" outlining expectations for:

Screen time limits: How much time can they spend on the phone each day?
Content restrictions: What types of apps and websites are allowed?
Bedtime rules: When should the phone be turned off at night? Will it be charged in their room or somewhere else?
Consequences of misuse: What will happen if they break the rules?

Tip: We like Common Sense Media’s Family Media Agreement.

4. Do they understand the risks?

The digital world can be a dangerous place. Educate yourself and your child about the potential risks, including:

Cyberbullying: Teach your child how to identify and report online bullying.
Online strangers: Discuss the dangers of interacting with strangers online.
Privacy concerns: Stress the importance of protecting their personal information and not sharing photos of themselves with strangers.
Addiction: Observe your child's phone usage for signs of excessive use.

5. What’s the right device?

Consider your child's age, needs, and your budget when choosing a device. Older children may need the freedom and access that a smartphone provides, but younger children might do just fine with a more limited smartwatch. Be sure to explore the parental control options offered by different phone carriers and operating systems.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to deciding on a smartphone. The most important thing is to weigh the pros and cons and think through what’s right for your child and your family.

Posted by Alison Cashin, Director of Communications