Approaching parent-teacher conferences with care

The fall season is a busy time for parents and children. By now, your school routine might be feeling more manageable, or you might still be helping your child navigate a difficult school transition. Thankfully, parent-teacher conferences are right around the corner and they offer the opportunity to build a supportive, collaborative relationship with your child’s teacher and bring up any questions or concerns you might have about your child’s academic, social, and emotional development.

Use these four tips to foster a strong community around your child’s education and well-being, as well as to foster a compassionate partnership with your child’s teacher.

Tip 1: Prepare before the conference

Life is busy! Just making it to your slotted time during parent-teacher conferences might feel like a celebration. However, to make the most of your coveted time with your child’s teacher, it’s important to come into the meeting prepared. Remember that preparation doesn’t have to take much time. Spending just a few minutes completing each of the tips below, or reflecting on what challenges you’d like to share with your child’s teacher during your commute to or from work, are ways to arrive at the meeting prepped and ready to connect.

Review your child’s work. This might include things like weekly newsletters, curriculum guides, notes home, and any teachers your child mentions to you that you aren’t familiar with but would like to get to know better. Reviewing these items will allow you to make the most of your time together and your reflection will help guide the conversation so you are able to touch on the points that matter most.

Talk to your child. Invite your child to reflect on how the school year is going when it feels natural to do so. Ask them what they like doing best, who they enjoy being around, and challenges they are facing. Younger children can draw a picture to show their reflection and older children can draw and write to share their ideas with you. Ask your child for permission before sharing their thoughts with their teacher. If they agree, use your child’s work to bring up key discussion points with the teacher.
Prepare to share changes or challenges at home. Your child’s success at school is greatly impacted by what’s going on at home. For example, if big changes have happened recently (e.g., a move, parental separation, or a death in the family), or your family is experiencing high levels of stress, it’s important for your child’s teacher to know. Although these topics are sensitive, and every family will navigate them in different ways, it’s important to share information that might be affecting your child’s ability to regulate their emotions so they can complete academic tasks or connect with friends at school. Your child’s teacher will have resources they can share to help you find helpers in the community like social workers, mental health therapists, and other educational services to support your child holistically.

“We can move beyond the “apple” as a gift to something more meaningful by reflecting on what might make the teacher smile, feel cared for, and set the tone of calm in the classroom during parent-teacher conferences.”

Tip 2: Empathize with your child’s teacher

Just like parents, teachers are stretched in so many directions throughout the day. They teach academic content, help children work through complex emotions, foster friendships, and try to cultivate a learning community where all children feel cared for and seen. Empathizing with your child’s teacher will help you to see things from their perspective and forge a path forward together.

We can move beyond the “apple” as a gift to something more meaningful by reflecting on what might make the teacher smile, feel cared for, and set the tone of calm in the classroom during parent-teacher conferences. Some examples include things like tea, flowers, a kind note, or a picture your child created. This simple act of kindness will help set the stage for a collaborative and caring conversation during parent-teacher conferences and throughout the year.

“If your child is experiencing challenges that need to be discussed, focus on data that shows ways your child has thrived. ”

Tip 3: Collaborate to find solutions to problems

Every teacher is different, so it’s important to respect that all teachers have different ways of approaching teaching and learning. With that said, not all teachers will be “best fits” for your child’s needs. If this is the case, there are ways to affirm your child’s teacher and their effort, while gently supporting them in building knowledge about your child’s needs based on your expertise as their parent.

Share what’s worked in the past. If your child is experiencing challenges that need to be discussed, focus on data that shows ways your child has thrived. For example, you might say, “Kayla was better able to attend to academic content that was challenging when she did a brain break, like five jumping jacks, before class started.” Preparing beforehand and talking with your child about things that are working well and things they find challenging can also serve as a talking point when coming up with solutions together.
Collaborate to find solutions. Use your expertise about your child’s needs to find solutions alongside your child’s teacher. Discuss strategies and agree on actionable steps that can be carried out at home and at school. This collaborative approach will help your child’s teacher see how invested you are in your child’s success at school and ensure that everyone is working toward common goals.

“Since your child’s teacher is busy, remember that meetings might need to be scheduled weeks in advance instead of on a “stop-by” basis.”

Tip 4: Relationship building goes beyond parent-teacher conferences

The first parent-teacher conference of the school year might be the first time you meet your child’s teacher. Parent-teacher conferences usually occur 3-4 times per year, and although they provide a great opportunity to get some 1:1 time with your child’s teacher, it’s important to collaborate with your child’s teacher all year. Some ways to continue to foster a collaborative relationship with your child’s teacher include:

Ask for the best way to contact them. Some teachers freely give out their numbers, while others might prefer to communicate over email or another messaging application.
Consider volunteering in the classroom. Spending time in your child’s classroom is a great way to develop a relationship with your child’s teacher and get to know other students in your child’s class.
Set up meetings on an as-needed basis. If your child is experiencing challenging behaviors, struggling in certain subject areas, or navigating difficult situations at home, it’s important to talk to your child’s teacher about the best way to set up meetings with them. Since your child’s teacher is busy (and often navigating their own children’s schedules and needs) remember that meetings might need to be scheduled weeks in advance instead of on a “stop-by” basis. Of course, this depends on the teacher! Bringing up this question will allow for a conversation to unfold and show your child’s teacher that you believe in collaborating with them.

The science behind these recommendations:

April Brown (M.Ed) is a Trauma Informed Specialist and Peer Support Facilitator who advocates for teachers and students through inclusive curriculum development, educator wellness coaching, and teaching university courses. Formerly, April taught and held leadership positions in mainstream and alternative settings in the United States and internationally. She’s passionate about exploring how to disrupt structures that perpetuate systems of oppression and address unbalanced power dynamics at home and school so children thrive. She lives in Vermont with her young daughters, husband, and charming rottweilers. April is currently earning her MSW in Advanced Clinical Practice at Columbia University and a curriculum intern at Making Caring Common.