How To Develop Gratitude Through Conversations
Labeling and talking through something helps us make sense of it. So why not talk more about the people and things that make us happy and thankful because of what they make possible for us? By openly and frequently talking about the people and things in our lives, we can come to understand and truly appreciate why we’re grateful for them. But talking can be awkward or feel forced sometimes, so adults can make this fun for kids by making it routine to have gratitude conversations and modeling their own gratitude. When talking about gratitude becomes part of our normal day or week and when adults clearly share their own reasons for feeling grateful, kids can more easily come up with their own examples and experience more gratitude.
Below are four steps for adults to encourage kids to practice talking about gratitude.
1. Prepare conversation cards
Use our easy-to-print Gratitude Conversation Cards or make your own cards to help kids think about who and what they are grateful for. Involve kids by having them help make or print the cards, cut them out, and decide where to keep them, such as in a bowl or jar on a dining room table.
Making Caring Common’s Gratitude Conversation Cards
Blank Gratitude Conversation Cards
2. Talk about gratitude
Pick a card and discuss! To encourage deeper conversations or thinking about the “why” behind your gratitude, challenge each other by asking thoughtful questions and considering others’ perspectives. For example, “Why do you think Uncle John gave you that? He must’ve heard you talking about it, remembered it, and went out of his way to look for it even though it’s so rare and hard to find. Wow, he really took time out of his own schedule for you.”
Tip for parents: It’s okay if kids mostly think about concrete objects or things to be thankful for, like gifts or money. Talk together about where those things come from and, when applicable, the sacrifices people made for those things (like in the example above).
3. Lead by example
Model for kids how to think and talk about gratitude. Be honest and open and try to emphasize people or things we often take for granted, such as:
People who work late hours so other people can have things or be taken care of
Public transportation that gets us places when many around the world have to walk for hours to get anywhere
Grocery stores that have food ready that we don’t have to grow or prepare ourselves
Playgrounds or green spaces we can take our kids to for safe and free outings
Teachers, coaches, or other adults who also help teach and support our children
After you’ve talked about your own feelings of gratitude, pause and give kids time to respond. Encourage them to ask you questions and to share their own examples if they can relate to who or what you’re grateful for.
4. Make it a habit
Encourage regular conversations about gratitude by doing simple, fun activities, like picking out the Gratitude Conversation Cards once a week during mealtime, and taking turns to share (replenish these cards as you get close to finishing them). You can also start a “Gratitude Wall” so people can post everyday examples or experiences of gratitude, or use the prompts below to start talking about gratitude. Pick a day of the week, like Thankful Thursdays, to talk about these regularly with kids or as a family.
Prompts to get in the habit of talking about gratitude
Overview
For: Parents, Caregivers, and Adults who engage with kids
Ages: 7-10
Resource Type: Activity
Additional Information
The Science Behind These Recommendations
Gratitude is a topic that has been researched extensively. Here are key resources we consulted - in addition to experts and parents - that are behind the recommendations shared on this page:
Hussong, A. M., Coffman, J . L., & Thomas, T. E. (2020). Gratitude conversations: An experimental trial of an online parenting tool. Journal of Positive Psychology, 15(2), 267-277. [Abstract]
Rothenberg, W. A., Hussong, A. M., Langley, H. A., Egerton, G. A., Halberstadt, A. G., Coffman, J. L., Mokrova, I., & Costanzo, P. R. (2017). Grateful parents raising grateful children: Niche selection and socialization of child gratitude. Applied Developmental Science, 21, 106–120. [Abstract]
Tudge, J. R. J., & Freitas, L. B. L. (2018). Developing gratitude: An introduction In J. Tudge & L. Freitas (Eds.), Developing gratitude, (pp. 1–222). Cambridge University Press.